Preparing for Christmas When Someone You Love Has Dementia

Planning ahead for a calmer, more comfortable holiday

Christmas can be especially emotional when someone in the family is living with dementia. You might feel pulled between wanting to keep traditions alive and worrying about how your loved one will cope.

This first article focuses on planning, expectations, and the home environment so the holiday feels calmer and safer for everyone.

1. Start with expectations, not decorations

Before thinking about food, gifts, or décor, pause and gently reset expectations.

When dementia is part of the picture, it’s normal for the holidays to look different:

• You may not be able to attend every event.
• Your loved one may not remember who everyone is.
• The celebration might need to be shorter, smaller, and quieter than in previous years.

Instead of aiming for a “perfect” Christmas, aim for a kind and realistic one.

You might want to:

• Have a short family chat (or group email/WhatsApp) explaining how your loved one has changed since last year.
• Let people know what kind of celebration will be best: quieter, earlier in the day, fewer people, etc.
• Gently remind everyone that the goal is comfort and connection, not perfection.

2. Plan around your loved one’s energy and routine

People living with dementia often feel better at certain times of day and more confused or tired at others.

Time of day

• Many people manage better in the late morning or early afternoon.
• Consider a Christmas brunch or lunch instead of a late-night dinner.
• Keep the “busy” part of the day to a few hours, and allow time to rest before and after.

Routine

Routine brings security. Try to:

• Keep meal, medication, and rest times as close to normal as possible.
• Avoid packing in multiple events or visits on the same day.
• Allow “buffer days” with few commitments before and after big gatherings.

3. Choose the right size and place for gatherings

Large, noisy parties can be overwhelming for someone with dementia.

• Choose small, familiar gatherings rather than one big, crowded event.
• If possible, celebrate where your loved one feels safest:
• Their own home
• A close family member’s home, they know well
• A quiet room in their care home, if they live in long-term care
• Don’t be afraid to say, “We’re going to do something smaller and more relaxed this year.”

If your loved one lives in a care residence, ask the staff:

• When they tend to be most alert
• If there’s a quiet space your family can use
• What kinds of activities usually comfort or calm them

4. Create a calm, dementia-friendly holiday environment

Christmas decorations are beautiful, but for someone with dementia, they can also be confusing, overstimulating, or even unsafe.

Keep it simple and familiar

• Use simple, classic decorations: a tree, wreath, nativity scene, or a few special ornaments.
• Choose **steady, warm lights** instead of blinking or flashing ones.
• Avoid rearranging furniture too much; large changes can make the home feel unfamiliar.

Think about safety

• Keep walkways free of cords, loose rugs, and low decorations.
• Place fragile items up high and out of reach.
• Avoid fake fruit/candy decorations that could be mistaken for real food.

Control noise levels

Too much noise can cause agitation and confusion.

* Turn off the TV during meals and important conversations.

* Play **soft, familiar Christmas music** in the background rather than loud, fast songs.

* If many people are talking at once, try moving some conversations to another room.

Create a quiet retreat space

Choose a corner or room where your loved one can rest:

• A comfy chair, soft lighting, and a blanket
• Maybe some quiet music or a favourite picture book
• Let visitors know that if your loved one seems restless or tired, you may take them there for a break

5. Prepare family and visitors ahead of time

One of the most helpful things you can do is prepare others before they arrive.

Send a short message to family and friends who will be visiting:

• Explain that your loved one may:
• Forget names or relationships
• Repeat questions or stories
• Be quieter or more withdrawn
• Be sensitive to noise or crowds
• Ask visitors to:
• Speak slowly and clearly
• Use your loved one’s name when greeting them
• Avoid saying “Do you remember…?” which can feel stressful
• Be patient if responses are slow or don’t make sense

You might say something like:

“Dad’s dementia has progressed since last Christmas. He may not remember your name, but he enjoys seeing familiar faces. Please don’t feel hurt if he seems distant. A warm smile, a simple ‘Hello, Dad, it’s Anna,’ and a short chat mean a lot.”

6. Helping children understand

Children notice when something is different, and they often appreciate simple, honest explanations.

You could say:

• “Grandma’s brain is sick, and it makes it hard for her to remember things.”
• “She might forget your name or ask the same question many times, but she loves you very much.”
• Give children specific ways to connect, such as:
• Showing Grandma a drawing or school project
• Singing a Christmas song together
• Helping her open a present
• Sitting beside her for a short story or photo album

Reassure them that if Grandma says something odd or forgetful, it’s the illness, not Grandma’s heart.

7. Visiting someone with dementia in long-term care

If your loved one lives in a care home:

• Call ahead and ask when they’re usually most alert and calm.
• Bring a few simple decorations for their room, like a small tree or a string of cards.
• Keep the visit short and sweet rather than long and exhausting.
• Engage in gentle activities: looking through photos, listening to carols, or reading a short Christmas story.
• If children visit, prepare them beforehand and keep the visit brief but warm.

Planning Christmas with dementia in mind may mean letting go of some old traditions, but it also opens space for new, gentler ones. With realistic expectations and a calmer environment, you create a holiday that is kinder to your loved one – and to yourself.